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Opening Up – A Poem to My Step-Mother

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You made my life hell for many years
But yet I do not hate you
You locked away a great man
Much to my surprise
For that I’ll never forgive you
You took away the last years he had
For this you made many very sad
You could have taken care of him
But instead you abandoned him
He loved you so with all his heart
Even for years when you were apart
You up and left him many times
Always he took you back with an open mind
You moved clear across the country
For what I do not know
I do know in my heart that
He never wanted you to go
Your words to me always full of hate
For reasons so unclear
I was just a child wanting your love
Instead you made me fear
I never knew what mood you’d be in
When I’d return home from school
Always feeling anxious living under your rule
Somewhere in my heart I loved you
In some strange way
But had to let it go
For it was destroying me
That I do now know
You always tried to put me down
No matter what I did
I could never ever please you
I don’t think I ever did
It took me years and years
To figure all this out
That I am a good person
Although at one time
I did have some doubts
Since I’ve cut all ties with you
I feel much better inside
No longer need to worry
No longer need to hide
I am not blaming you
For the life we had to share
I suppose you had your reasons
Lets just keep it back there
For I need no explanation
For anything you did
It does not matter anymore
I am no longer your step-kid
I forgive you for many things
But cannot forget the hurt you caused
My father in the end
© 2011 Susan Zutautas

This is basically a therapeutic poem that I had to write. Writing feelings and thoughts helps me tremendously. Not to forget the past but to be free of it. For me there was and I hope for many others that “there is a light at the end of the tunnel.”
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